Passed my SAC-IT

So today was a day of ups and downs. I woke up tired, was at work for a short time when I got bit by a dog :( Damn did that hurt! I thought when my finger finally was out of it's mouth that the tip of it would be gone. It wasn't gone....just a little bleeding and throbbing. Went to urgent care, got bandaged, and then he told me to go home and not back to work. Then I spent the next few hours stapling fliers for Donna. Brought coffee and dinner to Donna, then to my aunts to watch American Idol and catch up. Oh and the brakes on my car are sooooooo bad, sounds like I'm landing an airplane. Thanks to my wonderful cousin Jeremy, they will be fixed Saturday! I came home tonight, my head hurting with a headache and I decided that I needed to just take my SAC-IT test and just get it over with, stop fearing failure. So I did it, and I passed! Now I can look into getting back into a counseling job. 80 days until our family cruise....things may be looking up :)

Fantasy World

Well, hello there.....I've been off the grid for awhile. I seem to go in spurts of my ups and downs. So what's been going on? Well I'm still working at the animal hospital.....drives me crazy most days. We took Bailey to have his surgery about a week ago, and he seems to be recovery ok. Asher is being the same old Asher which I'm sure is getting into trouble. I find that my best thoughts and the most often I get thoughts are when I am on ambien. I have trouble sleeping take one of thos suckers and I get all emotional and everything rushes forward to my mind. So if parts don't make sense, I did forwarn you. But don't be afraid to ask questions! Lately, I feel stressed.....about everything 1) My weight....I want to lose weight, but I don't want to have to change what I eat, and it pisses me off! 2) working out....I flippin hate it....only reason I do it is to try with helping to lose weight however when I do get into a place with it, it's ok, but then makes me feel guilty that I'm not working hard enough 3) I don't want to go on our family cruise looking like complete garbage, apparently I've already gone on one cruise that I looked like complete garbage on the whole time! 4) I want the people that I'm going to go on this cruise with actually want to go, and go with me. Donna seems happy, Jordan seems happy, Josh seems happy, I can't really tell if Malisssa is happy or not for it and papa he makes comments like why be so excited were just going with the people we live with and see everyday? Well that makes me feel so wanted to go. NOT! 5) My brakes need to be done in my car which is a shit ton of money that I don't have...unresolved issue as of yet 6) I have to go to the dentist for a few things and thats another 65 dollars....unresolved there too! 7) Have to pay work this week too 60 dollars 8)watching all my tv shows and netflix gets me wrapped in a fictional world, lets me believe things can actually happen 9) I've been reading books lately, really good books, but they're about falling in love and having a great relationship and all that good stuff.....nice to bury my head into....but then where does my head go when I finish the book? It stays with me and makes me dream things I shouldn't/can't be dreaming because it's NEVER going to happen to me. All those books through relationships, time, energy, man falling for you for who you really are, falling for you even if you're not the ideal weight.......all that stuff I am never going to find. I'm never going to find that guy! A guy so simple yet he excepts me for who I am and fall madly in love with me. 10) I want to go back to school to finish my classes at alverno, but not sure when because of money and if its even still interesting to me 11) my car payments suck ass too! 12) my friend Sherry came over and she did highlights in my hair on Saturday. I don't know what else to say......listening to me sometimes sounds like a record player. I've already had enough of the there's more fish in the sea, you'll meet the right one, etc but I hate it....I want them to come to me, chase me down, persue me....like me (all of me) know what I mean? Any idea where I could find that person? lol I thought I had one but I guess the element of surprise turned in the wrong direction for me. He was gone before I could even think long term......sad because who knows where that could have went.....right Chad Taplin? I better sign off now before I say anymore confusing things.

Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013

When I look back on 2012, the first word that comes to mind is 'loss'. When beginning 2012, I never thought it could be worse than 2011...well, I was wrong! In 2012 I lost Donna's mom, and I had just begun a relationship with her. I wish I could have had longer to get to know her more, she was a wonderful woman. Then shortly after we had the house fire. We lost the house, our belongings, Abby, Libby Lue, and Ollie. I felt like I lost my sanity, my beliefs in God, and my will to move forward. We lived in a hotel for three months, which wore off the novelty of staying in a hotel for me ever again...or at least for a long time. The first few weeks it was nice having a pool for the summer but that definitely wore off. Then right before moving back into the house, Donna's dad passed away. How much more loss could we handle? It was a wonderful day moving back in but it took a long while to settle back in. We lost a lot of my favorite animals at work this year as well. Now, don't get me wrong there were good things in 2012 as well. My first cruise was in 2012....it seems like a life time ago though. We got a brand new house, with brand new things. I also got Asher. Asher has made my life so much better. He helped bring me "back". I'm in a better place than I was 4-5 months ago. One of my coworkers and good friend Brandy got married to the love of her life Kari in October. That was probably by far the best wedding I have ever been to. It was amazing and wonderful, and they did a great job at planning the whole thing. I sit in my "new" room now and stare at the collages of pictures on my walls of all the people/things I love...and I think how much I miss my Libby Lue and Ollie. What I wouldn't give to just hold them, love them, hug them, kiss them and tell them how much I loved them and all the things they did for/with me. It's hard to let them go because I never pictured my life without them, especially Libby Lue. I wish I would walk in my room one day and there she is laying on my bed waiting for me to come home from work. So with all of that said, goodbye 2012 take with you all the loss and heartache, and welcome 2013, with hopes and dreams to come. For 2013 I hope, dream, wish that I have no more loss and that this year brings happiness and direction to me. I hope to find the will to lose weight. Also, looking forward to our first family cruise and our first family vacation in many years. 102 days until we fly off to Florida and soak up the hot sun! I also wish for no loss this year, and only gain (except weight that is). I hope for good health for my family and all of our pets. I look forward to spending the year with you all!