Relaxing Weekend

Hey everyone!
I can't remember what day I last wrote, but I'll try to catch up.  Yesterday I worked until 3:30pm, stopped at the bank, came home to pay bills, and then was laying in bed with Donna talking.  We had a very good talk, I've been a little confused and angry about some things...and she puts things into perspective sometimes.  Her and I went to get some ice cream at Gilly's.  I haven't been there in awhile!  This morning, I slept in, took a shower and went to visit Brandon.  Monday will be his 4th week there....kinda sad for him.  But, he did the crime so he's gotta do the time....just not long I hope, I'll miss my friend too much!  Then I went to Sams Club with Donna, half price books, and Walgreen's.  Then I came home to help Donna with dinner. We had steaks on the grill, pasta accents, and baked potatoes....yummy!  Then to top if off we had strawberry shortcake for dessert. I'm going to try to get to the gym in the morning, then go see Brandon if I have time.  Then we have a birthday dinner for grandma and Jordan.  Then after that, off to Anna's for Sherry's birthday.  Let me just say....life is so confusing!  In the past, I had all these plans and I knew what I wanted, where I wanted to be, and who I wanted to be.  Now.....I don't even know what I want anymore. Right now, all I know is what I have....A roof over my head thanks to Papa and Donna, food to eat thanks to Papa and Donna, a nice full time job with insurance (which is helping with my crazy self), my truck (that I pay an insane amount for every month, but it's worth it because I love it), my two wonderful kitties (Ollie and Libby Lue), and all my other personal belongings that are important to me.  Beyond all that I really don't know....when should I go back to school? Will I be ready? Should I return to Alverno? Or go somewhere else? I don't even know if I want to date...I feel like I'm still fixing me, and I don't have time for wishy washy boy business.  Know what I mean?  I just don't know anymore!

Long week!

So, Monday went by pretty fast, nothing special to report.  Tuesday I worked 8:00-2:00, went to visit Brandon, stopped at my aunts house to get some books, picked up my sister, went to half price books and then came home.  Yesterday I worked all day, was really tired after work but I went to visit Brandon again.  Him and I talked about how I told Chad #2 that I was backing off a bit, and put the ball in his court, and when he's ready I'm here.  Others have said that it just isn't right, that I need more attention, or "give him the boot"....I'm not going to do that, known him too long to do that.  I guess I just need him to show me that he wants this, instead of me doing all the work, and stating my feelings.  Today was a long day at work, it was a hot one...nice to walk dogs when it's nice out.  Came home to take a shower, eat a wonderful dinner that Donna made, cashew chicken, yummy!  Then we went to an icecream.  Now I'm just relaxing, going to go lay in bed, read, and cuddle with my best boy ever...Ollie, Ollie, Ollie....where are you? Wanna go to bed?  Yes he comes to this every night.  Hope all is well for you.

Laughs

My day was very interesting.  I woke up and left the house earlier with intentions of getting Starbucks and getting to work a little early.  Got through the Starbucks drive-thru rather quick, which was nice.  Go to get on the free at 9:35am and it was bumper to bumper....seriously??? really? So much for getting to work early, but I still punched in on time 10:00am on the dot!  The morning was interesting.  You all know already that I work at an animal hospital and I have some very interesting days. So I can't use names and etc obviously but I can tell you the story today just as well.  So they were doing a dental on this dog, they asked me to go in and help when the dog wakes up.  When humans wake up from surgery its all normal and maybe a little drowsy or what not right? Well, when animals wake up you can never predict how they will be.  Some wake up just fine, others flop around, others scream etc.  This dog wasn't seeming to wake up, well all of a sudden she just woke up and started screaming and thrashing then stared growling and showing teeth....my coworker was awesome and got everything under control with my help....but what was funny, was that with the dog making all that noise and what not a bunch of people came running in to help.....thank God!  That is one thing I just love about my job is that when you need help in a serious situation they come running. I wish I could have all my family and close friends come in and shadow or work at BRAH for the day....then they would understand all the craziness! Then Brandy my coworker and I decided since it was so nice out we would start laying the mulch on our path that we walk the dogs.  It was tough work, bad on my back, but I was OK.  Got a few blisters on my hands, but it's all good.  Brandy and I had so many laughs today....just about the stupidest things but it's been awhile since I had laughs like that.  Her and I flow pretty easy together and we have many laughs.  So I just wanted to say thank you to my dear Brandy for helping my laugh today.  I had some stuff on my mind and she listened and helped me get through the day by laughing.  After work I met Donna at urgent care because she was having some weird chest pain, went to just support her.  I just got home a little before 9pm....so it's been a long busy day!  I'll end this blog with, boys are so confusing...I don't get them, and I don't think I ever will! Sigh....Love you all!

Let Me Down Easy

I didn't realize that I haven't written a blog since May 3rd....I can't believe it!   I was reminded today that I haven't written a blog in awhile, so here I am.  Let's see I have to look at my calendar to remind me of what I've done in the last week and a half.  Friday the 4th I went and had dinner with my aunt Anna and my other aunt that I haven't seen in like 15 years.  It was interesting to see her, kind of awkward though.  Afterwards, aunt Anna and I went to the gym and worked out for a little bit.  So my week from May 1st-May 5th was absolutely horrible.  Tuesday I had that fight with my mom, Wednesday I had my fight with my sister, then Friday I had a little fight with Jeff (Donna's son)....I'll leave the details out because it's not really important for you all to know.  This all moved into Saturday morning.  I spent Friday night and Saturday morning crying.  That week was just horrible....Jeff said some hurtful things, that Donna's his mom, and that he's blood and I'm not, etc.  All of this really hurt my feelings because A: Donna sure is my mom too! B: just because I'm not blood doesn't make a difference.  Who's there helping Donna all the time? Who brings her coffee? Who listens to her vent when she needs to? Who could go to any place to get food from and know exactly what she would order? Who sits with her when she has a weak moment and needs a shoulder to cry on? ME, ME, ME!  I could keep going from that list but I think that proves my point.  Now, I'm not saying that Papa, Jordan, or Malissa don't do any of these things as well, but her sons definitely wouldn't make the cut for most or every one of those questions.  That's pretty sad!  So that was just spectacular, NOT!  Saturday May 5th I took Jordan and Julian (Jeff's son) to Barnes and Noble with me to just get out of the house, and away from Jeff and all the drama.  We got coffee, cheesecake, and rice krispe treat.  I had fun with those 2 little ones!  Julian can sure suck down that coffee boy, let me tell you!  We went to half price books and I bought each of them 2 books.  Julian really likes to read, and I can appreciate that because I love to read.  My aunt Mary always supported me in this area of my life, she would spend a ton of money on books for Malissa and I because it's a good thing.  So for Julian, I did what my aunt taught me!  Thanks auntie!  To be honest, I don't really remember Sunday....I think we may have gone to Old Country Buffet but I'm not totally sure.  My next week starts off way better!  So last Monday I walk out to my car to leave for work, and there was a dozen red roses on the hood of my car!!!!  Hmmm who could they ever be from? I knew who they were from, my bff Chad...how very thoughtful of him, wanted my week to start out better than my last week.  That made my day!  Tuesday Chad came over to watch a movie and we had a very nice time :)  I'm so glad that I got up the courage to cross the line of just friends with him.  I don't know why I didn't sooner.  I told him today that I was writing to my friend and was talking about him, and wanted to tell him the way I described him.  So here it is, so you all can hear it too.  He looks at me like he never wants to stop, he hugs/holds me like he's never going to let go, and he makes me feel beautiful just how I am, doesn't make me feel self conscious of my body what so ever.  That is why I wish I would have gotten the courage a long time ago.  So, Chad if you are reading this...even though I already told you this, but you make me very happy and I hope it stays this way and more!
There's this song my Billy Currington called "Let me down easy" that I think of when thinking about Chad.  Here's the video below...

 My weekend was nothing to talk about.  I got Donna a nice mothers day gift, a charm for her bracelet and a card with this cute book.  The last 2 days at work have been super busy surprisingly.  I had a little picnic dinner with my mom at the park tonight, we packed up before it started raining though.  I brought Donna a coffee, got soaked in the Starbucks drive through and bringing in the coffee to her.  Well there you have it everyone, you're all caught up with the makings of my life.  I think I am getting better everyday, and I can actually say that I am a little happy....but I think it will keep going to a wonderful happiness.  One last thing, I hear from others that a lot of people read my blog and like to hear about my life....if you have any comments or questions, please comment on my blog...don't be shy!

Glimpse of Happiness

It's been a rough few days....had dinner with my mom on Tuesday and she told me all about this little dinner meeting with 2 of my aunts.  Apparently, they were concerned about my meds, my weight, and me being bitter, angry, and selfish.  That all of them agreed on this, that I have been a different person.  My mom even told me that when she saw me after I got back from my cruise that she cried because of my weight.  Is that something you should be saying to your daughter when she already knows, and has many other issues to contend with.  Sorry that I was depressed and gained some weight, that's not the worst thing, I could have turned to other outlets but I didn't.  That really hurt my feelings, makes me think that my mom can't accept me for who I am....fat, skinny, ugly, short, tall...etc.  As a mother it's your duty to love unconditionally.  It was very adamantly put that this dinner was only because they love me and were concerned about me.  Well, if someone has a concern about me then you should come to me about it, instead of going behind my back and discussing it with others.  The funny thing is, they met weeks ago, and have seen each of them multiple times and not one of them said a word about it, so all those times/days I spent with you, were those fake?  I have every right to feel upset, angry, and hurt.  Another issue, as always, is Donna.  I'm not trying to sound like a bitch, but I have done what everyone else in my life wanted or expected me to do for so long.....now it's my time to be happy, and to do things for me.  One thing that makes me very happy is my relationship with Donna, nothing is going to change that....and if you try to change that or go against the grain, you'll only push me away further.  I have many relationships with women in my life.  None of which are the same. I think it's pretty selfish of someone to ask me to change my relationship with Donna. Back in February was my moms birthday, and I recall saying something about how this birthday of hers was significant for me because I actually put effort into it, and felt like we were in a really good place.  I thought she was trying really hard at our relationship, and that she was understanding of Donna and my relationship, which made me very happy.  Today I can tell you that I don't feel that way after all of this.  She feels like Donna puts a wedge between her and my relationship....regardless of Donna, it would still be the same.  My mom and I are very different people...we have different likes, dislikes, and ways of living.  We're very different people.  My sister Malissa is more like my mom....and that's OK with me.  I can accept that they have a stronger relationship and bond than I do with her....why can't she accept mine with Donna? I am not trying to be selfish, just trying to be understood and accepted.
On another note, after some rough stuff last night my bff Chad came over to watch a movie with me, and that made me very happy.  He's a wonderful cuddler, and being around him shows me that glimpse of happiness that is ahead for me, well I hope.  Thought about it all day today, couldn't get it off my mind, even if I tried.  :)