Do you know me?

I haven't blogged in awhile but Aunt Lori said that I should keep at it and that she enjoys reading my blog. To catch all of you up on the basics on my life. It has consisted of work, work, Thanksgiving, and then more work. I don't remember if I mentioned in past blogs about the guy who just randomly disappeared at the time of the fire. I didn't know what went wrong, and I still don't. I do know that him and I have been friends for years and it took me awhile to move past that friend line. Now that I did, I don't know if I can ever go back. I want him in my life, and I miss him. I wonder what could have been and what should have been. He was the one saying not to worry because we would make it. Then he turns aroung and is the one to leave. An excuse that I wouldn't like his friends. Really? If I like him then I'd accept his friends because I care for him. I am hoping that he will come around and change his mind and come back into my life. I know mnay of you will say too bad and move on. But I believe that he truly is a good guy and I can't give up on him. I hurt my back again walking an unruly newfoundland. My back hurts so bad and the urgent care doctor just prescribed me an anti-inflammatory, which I am already on one. It doesn't seem to be helping. I've had a lot going on in my head and some that I just can't talk about. So in order to get those thoughts out of my head I need things to distract my mind from them because if I don't then I will go crazy. So I read, watch Netflix, spend some time with Donna (to free some of my thoughts in my head), and hanging out with my bff Anna. I have a lot of fun with her. About a month ago we went out and I had a blast (which I hadn't in a long time). I got completely drunk, sang, danced, and made out with a guy in the middle of the bar and all the way home. It was very liberating! There are mnay other things that I have on my mind but some don't see this so they just assume. So it brings to me the question, Do you really know me? (This all came to mind when most everyone turned there backs on me because they didn't understand my way of grieving). If you really know me you'll have answers to the following quesitons, I'd love to hear them. You don't have to comment right on my blog, you can send me a private message on facebook or you can email me at mlinarkl@yahoo.com. 1. What parts of my past do I look back on the most? 2. What is going on in my head 24/7? 3. What are my hurts? 4. What are my dreams? 5. What are my fears? 6. What are my likes? 7. What are my dislikes? 8. What do I love? 9. What is my style? 10. What are my goals? 11. What makes me sad? 12. What makes me happy? 13. What I don't like to talk about? 14. What do I like to talk about? 15. Who do I trust? 16. Who don't I trust? 17. What are my favorite hair products/make up/shampoo/conditioner? 18. What I miss? 19. What I don't miss? 20. What my favorite color is? 21. What is my eye color? 22. What is something you can admire me for? I guess I just want to know who knows me and those that just make assumptions. I do really want to hear responses to these questions. If you don't know them, give honest answers, even if they are just assumptions that you have made.

Anna, Drinks, Dancing, Kissing, More Kissing, and Sage

My title sounds pretty interesting doesn't it? Make you wonder what it all means. I haven't written a blog in quite awhile and I feel the need to do that now. I've been working like crazy! Since my last blog I've tried to stay true to what I wanted. I have completely patched things with Anna, and we have been having Wednesday night as our night. We have dinner and watch a movie or something else that we can think of. A few weekends ago Anna took me out and showed me a good time. LOL We went to a small bar downtown, then to comedy cafe, then to Mad dogs. Boy did I drink a lot! I was dancing (and I like never dance), singing, and oddly enough making out with a guy in the middle of the bar for everyone to see. I have to say it was very nice. It was just what I needed! The next day I was supposed to go to this big cat santuary, but I was not feeling so hot. I spent the day throwing up and sleeping. Not fun, but totally worth it for the night I had. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. For 2 Sundays Donna and I worked in the basement. We got through all the boxes and ur basement finally looks like a basement. Papa and Donna put their desks up and everything looks so nice. I've had a good few Wednesdays with Anna, I missed her! I really look forward to our Wednesday nights together. I'm loving my girl time! Awhile ago I had a friend put some low lights and highlights and darken my hair a little. Well it turned out ok but I felt like there was red in it, so I tried dying over it but it didn't quite work. So since it didn't work, I ended up stripping my hair, and dying over it with a dark blonde. The dark blonde ended up a brown color, with some blonde/brassy colors in it too. So sometime soon I will be dying it again, a lighter color and hopefully it will start going back to my original hair color. I shouldn't have ever changed it. I loved my blonde. Everyone has asked about the boy from the bar, no I haven't seen him/talked to him/texted him...and no I don't care. I had a good time in the moment and that's all that matters. I want more than just a one night thing. I think I deserve a real guy who wants more like I do. But I have to ask, when is that boy coming? It'd be nice if it happened soon. I've had such a bad string of boys that I need to get back on the horse, but with a good guy. Agree? So anyone out there, want a date? ;) I haven't done much special in the last couple weeks. I think I've worked, had some time with Anna on Wednesdays and Saturday. I'm officially addicted to netflix! I've finished Grey's Anatomy and caught up to the live episodes. I've also finished Private Practice and I'm now caught up with the live episodes. I also finished Sons of Anarchy....LOVE IT! I am caught up and watching live episodes. Now I started Gossip Girls on Netflix. I've been pretty angry these last few weeks. Angry with many things that I can't really talk about, but angry is what I've been feeling! I feel like I'm made out to be the bad daughter, granddaughter, and sister. I feel like I have more people against me than I do for me. I've been thinking about Ollie and Libby Lue a lot lately. I keep thinking back on Libby that I never pictured my life without her, and then she was gone. Today I worked for a bit and then I had a session with Sage (the pet communicator). I learned today that Libby Lue is ok and has settled in the after life, she is open to the idea of coming back to me. I just have to ask her to come back....maybe a year from now or many years from now. I have to just ask her to wait for me and then when the time is right I just have to ask her and she will come to me. She knows that I talk to her everyday and cry at times. She understands that it is what I need to do to get through my grief. She feels like she didn't get to finish her "contract" with me. Ollie is not reincarnated, he is basically like a gait keeper. He imports/exports souls/spirits helps them to go through the after life and then to get out into their new lives. He is very grounded. Asher loves being with me, he lays on my chest to help ground me. He loves spending time with me. I worried that he would be upset that I talk to him about Ollie or that I compare the 2. Asher said he didn't care either way, that if I wanted/needed to talk that it's fine with him. Ollie on the other hand jumped right in and said no! He doesn't want me to talk about him to Asher. I asked why he changed his mind, and didn't come back to me and instead sent Asher. He said that he loves his job now, and doesn't want to leave it. I asked Asher if he was in any pain, (I didn't tell Sage that he had been neutered and declawed) and Sage picked up on his paws, that he was aware of them but wasn't in pain. Lastly I said thank you for talking with me, Ollie said yea sure no problem. Libby Lue said thank you and she admired that I would still check in on them. Sage said it takes a lot of courage to go back and see how your pets are doing in the after life. She said many people just forget about their pets after they pass. I came home after picking up my lunch, watched some netflix, and then took the longest nap ever with Asher....he stayed the whole time! Lastly, I have a doctor appointment Wednesday to get my iud removed and recheck my headaches. After making my appointment Donna told me that her friend said that the iud has been in law suits as of late because they've caused mental health issues. Hearing that makes me wonder, hmmm could this be anything relating to me? So out it goes! Hopefully it doesn't hurt coming out like it did going in. I'm also looking for a part time job so that I can have some extra money because I can really use it! Love you all, Krysta PS we need to find me a boy, I need some good times and some TLC ;)