Happy Birthday

Well, the big question of the day is, How does it feel to be 24? Honestly, it does feel a little different.  I feel like I should have accomplished more, done more things, have more things, and not feel as lost as I feel.  A few years ago I had this picture in my head of where I'd be in 4-5 years, and where I am is not where I want to be.  I put so much time and effort into school, and I haven't even finished that.  I put so much time, effort, trust, and love into my relationship with Chad thinking that we were going somewhere after so many years...that we would take larger steps in our relationship...and look now he doesn't give a shit about me.  I guess it was all an illusion.  You really never get what you want. Last night I had dinner with my mom and grandpa, it was very nice, however when I got home I got sick, and was in and out of the bathroom all night.  Up all night with stomach pains and it was like that all day today too :(  What a nice birthday hey? Sick, raining, and to top it off I'm feeling really melancholy today, especially about Chad.  On the way to work, I was like I should stop for a ginger ale, but I got Starbucks instead, big mistake, HUGE! (Missy and Donna, where is that from?) I heard this new song on the radio by Tim McGraw called Better than I used to be.  I think the song was written for Chad.  My first instinct or thought was Oh I have to text him and tell him.  I didn't do that yet....I shouldn't but it's weighing heavy on my mind.  I had dinner with my aunt and uncle tonight, they took me for my favorite food-sushi....however, my stomach hurt so bad I couldn't finish it :(   That's definitely not like me!  Papa is supposed to be home soon to watch a movie with him.  I guess a few things bothered me today....besides what I already mentioned.  My grandma (mom's mom) never talks to me, never calls, never see her, and she doesn't know a thing about me, writes me an  email this morning saying Happy Birthday and do I have any big plans for the day? Really? Seriously? What a fake!  My mom told me to be the bigger person and politely answer her back.....and all my morals that I was taught growing up would do just that....but what if I don't want to be the bigger person? I don't know, but I haven't emailed her back yet.  Another sad thing is that my dad didn't call, text, email, or fb me happy birthday. This just proves to me that Papa is the better father.  A great man is a man that takes in a daughter that isn't even his.  The best thing my mom ever did was meet and marry Papa.  Another thing she did/does is not criticize papa and my relationship and tell me that I should have a better relationship with my father.  She's always been supportive of papa and I.  It means a lot to me that she does that, and it means more than the world, more than even words that Papa has kept me in his life.  I wouldn't be the woman today that I am without his fatherly influence and love.  Him and I don't always get along but I love him a lot!  No matter what, he will always be my papa, nothing will ever change that...he's my father! 
To "end" my night, I'm laying on the couch, drinking ginger ale, cuddling with boo, getting ready to watch a movie when Papa gets home.
Which reminds me, earlier I was laying down in my room and Ollie like knew I wasn't feeling good, he was following me, and I went to lay on the floor and he followed me. I was laying on my tummy and he got down and laid with me.  Laid on his back and looked at me like, OK mom what are we doing this for? He kept his face so close and he was kissing and nuzzling me, and purring as loud as ever.....moments like that make it all worth it.  The money to feed them, and to take care of them medically is all worth it, for that one moment or moments like that.  He got me to smile today, he seems to always know what I need.  He's my Ollie boy :)