Heaven got a new Angel today

Early this morning Megan (Donna's friend Suzi's daughter) passed away.  She has been battling cancer for 7 years now, and her battle/journey is finally over.  She can rest in peace now and not be in pain.  Loss is always hard to deal with because it hits close to the heart.  I didn't know Megan for very long but what I did know of her she was very special.  She was strong and fought until the very end.  My heart goes out to her mom, sister, and brother during this difficult time.  I don't know how I would be feeling if I were in any of their shoes.  I am very close to Donna and I can't even imagine having to leave her one day or vice versa.  Times like this make you want to hug your family members a little tighter.  I didn't find out until about 11:30am that she had passed, Papa had told me when I woke up.  I was having trouble sleeping last night, didn't know why but I think I do now.  Donna and I have always had this weird connection where I can feel how she feels and she can feel how I feel.  Sorry about that Momma Donna, lately I've had a lot of difficult emotions to deal with and you've been feeling them too!  I layed in bed with her this morning just hugging her, holding her, and listening to her talk and cry....just like she always does for me.  From all of this I've learned that you need to live every minute like it was your last.  Follow your heart, and your gut.  Never give up on something/someone you believe in.  Don't just settle for good, not great.  Don't just settle for being content and not completely and utterly happiness!  Stop trying to figure out why some things happen and just go with it.  You never know when it will be your last moment with that person so say what you want to say with no regrets, you might not get another chance.  So to show you what I mean.....
To some of the people that I am the closest or whom I love the most...if your not on the list doesn't mean I don't love you or don't care about you its just these people sit closest to my heart....
To my sister Malissa, we've had our ups and downs and most of the time you drive me insane but I love you with all my heart and just want to see you grow up and make something of yourself.
To my little sis Jordan, you're not my sister by blood, but you are my sister by my heart.  I love you so much, I enjoy our Krysta and Jo time...thank you for all the little things you do for me, that you might not even know that you do.
To my auntie anna, you've been there for me since I was born, I know lately we don't talk as much but it's not you it's me.  I just want you to take this time after your divorce and be truly happy.
To my auntie mary, hmmm what can I say to you? Well my wish for you is to have a child one day...and if that never happens for you, know that I am always willing to be your "daughter".  I am extremely lucky to have you in my life, and for all the help you give me everyday!
To my mom, we've had ups and downs, ahhh mostly downs but we are slowly rekindling our relationship.  I hope that it keeps going and getting better day by day. 
To papa, wow well this may sound corny but he is my hero.  I met him 21 years ago....a long time!  He has been the father I always wanted.  I am proud to call him my papa.  He works so hard to make sure that his family and his girls have everything they want and deserve.  He always said he is happiest when "his nest is full".  Not just any man can step up and be a father to someone else's daughter and stick around for her whole life.  Thank you for everything you have taught me, and keep teaching me.  I love you!
To Momma Donna, you are the best person I know!  I say all the time I don't know what I'd do without you, because seriously I'd probably die!  I love that we are so close.  I love that you know when something is wrong with me even if I'm not in front of you.  I love that you stepped up to be a mom to me when I really needed one, especially because I have no blood relation to papa.  You are a wonderful mother, don't ever let anyone tell you differently.  I believe we were meant to meet, we were destined, soul mates!  You feel what I feel, and I feel what you feel.  I love you so much sometimes it hurts/aches inside me.  I love you so much I don't think words can describe how much you mean to me.  You've stood by me through thick and thin, you've made me laugh, you've made me cry, you've shared your wisdom and knowledge with me, you've held me on the cement driveway when I collapsed in tears, you've cuddled with me, you've played with my hair, and given me back/neck rubs when I've had the worst migraines.  The one thing that I love the most is that you've taught me and stood by me saying that I should follow my gut and my heart, and that they'll tell me when it's time to give up.  You said to me this morning, "I just want you to be normal again, I just want you to be happy!"....well momma donna, so do I! I want to feel normal again and happy...I just don't know how to get there. 

This leads me into the very last person on my list...not sure if he reads this blog of mine or not, if he does, he does, if he doesn't, he doesn't....this isn't necessarily meant for him, this is for me....to get my feelings out and make sure everyone else knows how I feel if I don't ever have the chance to tell you....
To Chad, I've known you for 7 years now...we met when we were 16 in drivers ed.....You were the most annoying, irritating, hott guy I knew.  Over the last 7 years you've done some HORRIBLE things, things that if you had done them to any other girl they would have given up on you years ago.  Yet here I still am 7 years later, after all the cheating, lying, jail and drama still head over heels in love with you.  I don't understand it myself but I guess when you love someone it goes unconditionally.  I've never stopped believing in you, never stopped having faith in you.  I knew/know that you would be a better person someday....you're on your way, just not with me.  That's the hardest part, I lost one of my very best friends.  I had a dream about your mom the other night, she was crying about John and I told her that she's lucky because at least she doesn't have to see/hear about him with someone else...sometimes it would be easier for me if you were just dead.  Of course I don't really want that, what I want is us to be together, like we used to be.  If I can get over all the bad and still believe in you, believe in us than you should be able to do that as well.  You need to learn how to not always take the easy way out....you always told me that you didn't just want to be content, that you wanted to be happy and not just settle, please follow your own words.  You said it was always comfortable, well yea of course it's going to be comfortable, thats what a relationship is about....you're supposed to end up with your best friend...for me thats you.  You asked if we could still be friends, but as much as I want to, I can't.  I want you to come to me for once, I can't just be your friend.  Everything that's been going on lately I dream about getting lost in one of your hugs and knowing that everythings going to be ok, that I'm going to be ok.....maybe one day that dream will come true again.  I hope/wish/pray every night that you'll come back to me one day.  I love you, love Blondie.

RIP Megan, thanks for all the inspiration.....maybe you can be an angel from above and help my hopes/dreams/wishes to come true ;)  Also, keep a close eye on your mom, she still needs you!