Heaven got another angel

I didn't start work today until ten, so I stopped and got myself a Starbucks.  I just love when the people at Starbucks remember and know who I am.  Totally makes my morning!  We weren't too busy at work today and the day went by pretty fast.  During work I got a text from Donna telling me that uncle vince was dying today.  Uncle Vince is papa's uncle...I don't/didn't know him all that well, but I know it was/is hard for Papa to go through this.  My heart goes out to Uncle Vince's family and friends that are affected by the loss of him.  He was 88 years old, and he lived a pretty good life.  My prayers tonight go out to my grandma, grandpa, papa, and all other family members.  Heaven was pretty lucky to have gained two new angels in the last week and a half.  Man, they aren't kidding when they say it happens in threes....I hope in this instance it doesn't though.  After work I went and got my nails done, came home folded laundry, ate dinner, and now catching up on my emails, facebook, and my blog.  I've been trying really hard to post a blog everyday, even if it is boring and short.  I am really excited because I am getting insurance through work, and I haven't had insurance in awhile!  I can finally get my headaches taken care of, my sleep issues, anxiety, and everything else dealt with.  I can't wait!  Well, I'm off to read and then cuddle with my boy!

Deadly Sins in My Eyes

Pride-a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in conduct.
Envy- a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, or possessions.
Anger- a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong.
Sloth- habitual disinclination to exertion; indolence; laziness.
Greed- excessive or rapacious desire, especially for wealth or possessions.
Gluttony- excessive eating and drinking.
Lust- a passionate or overmastering desire or craving for something.
Jealousy- resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.

Seems like lately I've been encountering all of these, some more than others but all of them none the less.  I know that it's human nature to encounter some of these feelings at some point in your life.  I know I am only 23 years old, not much time to gain life skills and wisdom as my elders have had, but I like to think that I have a old soul and have learned a lot through my short 23 years.  I've learned that life is short, not to take things for granted, you can't make someone love you, some people just don't care even if I do, trust is hard to build, it's not about what you have but whom you have in your life, we are responsible for who we become, you are responsible for you, bad things happen to good people, some things are privelages, and not every relationhip you have in your life is the same. 
The relationship I have with Donna, is different then the one I have with my mom, aunt mary, aunt anna, my sisters, or anyone else or vice versa.  A person shouldn't have to defend their relationships with others to other people.  It's just not right, nor is it fair.  Relationships are two sided, a person can't do it on their own.  You have to give a little to take. 
I was having a very good day today, work went well!  I ran some errands with Jordan today...had to get kitty food at PetSmart, get some cuddleduds at Kohls, and go to Half Price Books to sell some books back, then to Starbucks to get a coffee for Donna, then had drinks and shrimp with my mom.  My mom and I had a little disagreement early Sunday morning, but we have talked it out.  We may not see eye to eye on a few things but we've agreed to disagree, without any name calling and hurtful things being said.  When Jordan and I got home, I started my laundry, changed my sheets on my bed, sorted through my shoes (getting rid of some of them), did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen and living room, and cleaned the catboxes.  I was feeling pretty good and productive.  As the night went on, I started feeling a little anxious, down, angry, bitter, upset, confused, and disappointed.  Donna has been a part of my life for quite some time now, it didn't just happen yesterday...and over the years we developed a bond, and it kept growing.  I'm sick of having to defend it....don't you all have someone that is your best friend? Don't most people have a best friend? The answer to those is probably yes!  Well in my case my best friend is in her 40's and can also be like a mom.  In no way shape or form is she taking the place of my mother.  And mom, when you're reading this (which I know you probably will be) this blog and all this isn't directed towards you...because we've talked about all this tonight and we're good, we're cool!  It's for everyone else out there that has a problem.  Since I've been going through all this stuff...I did make one promise to myself (if I was going to make it through) was to stay/be true to myself.  No lying to myself or doing something I don't necessarily want to do.  I love you all, just all in different ways...because you know there are different kinds of love.  I'm done preaching/venting now.  Off to watch my DVR'd Hart of Dixie <3

Ollie Meets Hamilton

Today I worked until 3pm, then came home to get ready for Megan's Celebration of Life Party.  There was a ton of people there, and it was just what Megan would have wanted! 

There was some nice speeches, they made me tear up :(
Malissa and I came home, got some starbucks and then introduced my boy Ollie to Mr. Hamilton, Malissa's hamster!

Hmmm, what is that?

Ewww, get it away from me!

Hehe, he was very unsure of Hamilton at first but soon he was ready to play...ok well maybe not play, more like hunt him!  No worries, I didn't let Ollie eat him.  It sure was very cute/funny to watch!

Another Lazy Sunday

Today was a very lazy day!  Sometimes it feels good to just lounge around at home all day and do nothing.  Technically I didn't do nothing, I finished two books...yep 2!  One was pretty short, so it might not count.  I took a shower, ate a late lunch, took a little nap and then cuddled with my "kids".

I'm afraid that Libby Lue was shying away from the camera and I couldn't capture her.  It's back to work tomorrow.....weekends should be longer!  Tomorrow night is Megan's celebration of life party, everyone should be wearing their purple, upon request of Megan!  I hope to see some of you there!

Cookies!

I woke up this morning really tired because my mister Ollie decided to wake me up all night!  He bats his metal food dish aroung the closet because it doesn't have enough food in it for his liking.  Then he has to try and knock over my can of tea next to my bed because he likes the sound it makes when it falls and spills all over!  On top of that he was chasing my poor girl Libby Lue all around the bedroom and waking her up after she was sleeping.  Today everyone else worked so Jordan and I spend the day together over by my auntie Mary's baking cookies.

Holiday Bells Before

Holiday Bells After

These cookies were the ones I only tried to be nice to my aunt, and I ended up loving them and they are one of my favs now!

Oatmeal Craisen

Oatmeal Craisen

These cookies were so yummy too!  My aunt made these a month or so ago and substituted craisens for raisens and they are just as yummy!

Rum Ball Dough

Rum Balls!

We all had so much fun today! However after a few hours of baking we were all yawning and ready to call it quits!

Jordan licking off the dough!

Rolling Rum Balls

Auntie Mary and Me

Yes, the Rum Balls had actual Rum in them :)

After we were finished Jo and I came home.  After getting home, Aunt Mary sent me a text telling me that I forgot all my rings at her house! Oh no!  So I had planned to go shopping with Donna to find some purple stuff to wear to Megan's celebration of life party on Monday (purple was her fav color)...so since I have like major OCD I picked up my rings and then Momma Donna, and Emily (Megan's sister) and we headed to the mall.  We had a good time shopping and eating dinner.  Donna and I got home and the cats were following me because they were hungry and I got a very rare picture for you...

Ollie & Abby eating together out of the SAME bowl at the SAME time! Very rare, because Abby is a brat!

Today was a decent day for me...no crying or feeling too down.  I did get to see a "special friend" today which was very unexpected, but a very nice surprise.  Even if someone has passed away, they always stick around in your life, they are always by your side.  Thanks Megan for giving me that wonderful opportunity!  Help your mom learn her dance moves and keep the courage to perform on Monday night, and I hope to "see" you again soon!  Now, I get to go cuddle with the best boy in the whole world ;)

Life's too short

Today was a long day at work....the holidays are always extremely busy for us at the animal hospital, so today wasn't an exception.  The day feels like a blur because of walking so many dogs.  By the end of the night I looked at all the collars hanging on the cages and thought to myself, Holy crap we just walked all those dogs and I don't really remember doing most of it.  My coworkers Brandy and Abbie though were rock stars today!  I am so glad and proud to have you two on my boarding team....you do such a great job during the holidays, well anytime for that matter.  I know some days are busy, hard, and stressful but you all do such a wonderful job keeping it all together!  I have a headache again today and it doesn't seem to be going away :(  Momma Donna got home and was looking through some pictures of Megan for her boards for her celebration of life party.  Looking through all the pictures with her just makes me extremely sad.  It's just not fair!  The pictures that drew me in the most, were pictures of Megan and her mom Suzi.  They way they smile at each other, the way you can like feel their energy, and the way you can see the love for each other in them just hit really close to home and my heart.  It's not fair for Suzi to have lost her oldest daughter, parents aren't supposed to outlive their children!  It's not fair for Megan that she never got to get married, have kids, and share all of that with her mom.  They are both losing out on some major things.  Below are some pictures that show you exactly what I mean about them.

This proves a point, that life's too short...you never know which day will be your last.  So don't take this life that you have for granted.  Be thankful for what you have, and strive for what you want.  Regrets and mistakes are memories made, so take chances, and always go for what you believe in.

On another topic, I feel like I've been telling you all about how hard all this is in my life with all things Chad, but I feel like I should share more with you all.  For awhile now I've been feeling lost, confused, unsure of my life, unsure of my path, not motivated, not determined, and not ambitious.  I think it all started at the beginning of this year.  It started with school and not wanting to wake up for class.  If it was up to me I'd sleep or lounge around all day.  So I decided (after not passing a class) to take a semester off from school to figure out what I wanted, and to ease my mind.  Shortly after this was decided, my supervisor Lisa told us that she was moving to FL.  So in July I took over her position.  By doing this it relieved some of my money worries.  From there it slowly kept going downhill.  I think that for a period of time I shut myself off...that I was numb and didn't let feeling in.  When it got too tiring to do that it all came out and may be worse now that I did that.  I don't like feeling like this.  I don't want to feel like my life is such a routine....sleep, wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, get into my pj's, watch some tv, read a little, go to bed, wake up, go to work, come home....are you getting the pattern?  I don't like the feeling of wanting to sleep all the time or not wanting to do anything.  I just want to feel normal and happy again.  Thank you to my friends and family who are standing by me through this difficult time in my life.  Thank you for not getting annoyed with me and not giving up on me, when I have almost given up on myself.  Tomorrow I am baking cookies all day with my aunt....look for a yummy post tomorrow!

Day of Thanks: Happy Thanksgiving!

So today is Thanksgiving and I worked all day long.  I worked 8-6pm.  I woke up at 7am and got ready for work.  Ollie was cracking me up chasing a cap to a soda bottle around my room until it got stuck under the TV.  I drove to work and I just love when there is no traffic!  So today is a day to say what I am thankful for so here it goes....
1.  I am thankful that I am alive: some days I feel like I can't do it anymore but I make it through, just taking one day at a time.
2.  I am thankful for Papa.  I am thankful that he works two jobs to provide for his family.  He does this so that we all have everything that we need and most of what we want.  He sacrifices his time, energy, and sleep to give us everything we have.  We may not get all the time in the world to spend with him, but he sure makes sure that we have what we need.  By blood he isn't my father, not even by marriage is he my step-father...he once was but technically not anymore.  I am thankful that he took me in as his own, and considers me his daughter.  I don't know where I'd be in life if it weren't for him.  He's my hero.  He's my prince in shining armor :)
3.  I am thankful for Momma Donna.  She is literally my best friend.  I tell her everything and more!  She knows me better than I know myself at times.  She is not my mother by blood, nor is she my mother by marriage. ...she is such a great mom and mother that she took me in as her daughter because I was part of Papa's life.  We were destined to meet...I need her and she needs me too!  She gives me the time that a mother-daughter relationship should have.  I always wanted a mother-daughter relationship like in the movies....she gives that to me.  That's what I am thankful for.
4.  I am thankful for my two wonderful kitties, Libby Lue and Ollie.  They are probably the only two things that make me completely and utterly happy at this time in my life.  They are always there when I need them, they are there to lick my tears, and I can't help but smile when I see them.  They are the best cuddlers!
5.  I am thankful for my job!  Not everyone is fortunate to have a job and I have a good one!  I have the best coworkers!  Especially my boarding staff team....they are the best!  During this holiday they kick it into high gear and walk a million dogs in the cold multiple times a day.  Thank you Brandy, Abbie, Kyle, and Richard...you are my stars!
6.  I am thankful for my Aunt Mary and Uncle Lee.  They are very supportive in my life.whether it be with advice or money to fix my broken truck.  I appreciate everything that they do for me, not one thing goes unseen :)
7.  I am thankful for my truck.  I just love it!
8.  I am thankful for books!  I just love to read, so I want to thank all the wonderful authors that aid in my entertainment.
9.  I am thankful for my laptop and Internet so that I am capable to write this blog for all of you to read.
10.  I am thankful for Starbucks! It's the best tasting coffee!
11.  I am thankful to all of my blog followers/readers....I wasn't sure if anyone would even read this when I started it but I soon learned especially after Sunday's post that lots of people take the time to read my blog.  I hope that it helps you and gives you insight into my inner life.  I use my blog as an outlet, kind of like a diary.  Just to make things clear...I'm not looking for pity, or for people to feel sorry for me....and in no way shape or form am I whining....I just don't like all these mixed feelings I've been having and it helps a little to get it all out.  So thank you again for taking the time to read my blog and letting me share my life with you.

Momma Donna sent me this picture while I was at work, telling me that it was weird having Thanksgiving dinner without me. 

I had originally scheduled myself to work on Thanksgiving because of the extra money, however on my drive home tonight, I realized that I think I subconsciously did it because if I worked all day it wouldn't give me a whole lot of time to dwell on the holiday without HIM.  I don't know why but the holidays are the hardest....I am also thankful that I didn't cry today....well didn't cry YET lol!  There is still time left for that, hopefully not but I never know when it's going to hit me.  I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  Thanks again for taking the time to read my blog.  If any of you ever have any questions or want me to write about anything specific I will most definitely take anything into consideration.  Most of the time conversations and thoughts in my day to day life are what inspires me on what to write and share with you all.

</3 Krysta

Rolling in the Deep

Well tis the season.....have I mentioned that I hate the holidays? Because I honestly really do!  If it were up to me we'd fall asleep after Halloween and wake up after New Years.  I didn't start work until 10am today but I couldn't sleep again, so no sleeping in for me.  I stopped at Starbucks on my way to work and got myself a grande pumpkin spice frappicino.  mMmmmm yummy!   On my way to work I started feeling a little down, sad, and a little nostalgic or melancholy.  But I can't go into work like this so I had to suck it all in as I pulled into work and put on my work happy face, when really I'm dying inside (or so it feels). As soon as I walked in to work my day started....15 check in's today and then I was told we had 4 grooming appointments.  Since we are out of a groomer at work for the moment, boarding has been doing baths/nt/eag for some appointments.  I have learned that I definitely do no want to be a groomer!  Today was a day that we would need help with these baths because boarding was just too busy....So two wonderful co-workers, Tess (the momma to be) and Marty (one of my fav boys ;)  helped us by doing the nail trims and eag while I bathed them.  It was awesome of them to help, it really helped and it was much appreciated!  Also a big thanks to Cari, Jennie, and Kelsey because you girls were also spectacular today by helping Brandy and I walk the pooches.  You may have thought that walking a few dogs was nothing, but to Brandy and I it was a lot!  So thank you to all of you that helped.  I left work and surprised Momma Donna with a Starbucks :)  Then I helped her at work (well not really helped her but sat and talked with her).  She told me about a dream my sister Malissa had, it was basically my hopes/dreams/wishes coming true.  How nice of my sissy to have a wonderful dream about me....maybe that means it'll come true???  Then Momma Donna and I talked about her friend Sue and Megan.  Sue needs people around her because she's not ready to be alone....I know it must be hard for her...wish I could take away all the pain :(  We then talked about the holidays and that it's hard for me because of everything that I've been going through.  I just wish things were different, and that I could have Chad around for the holidays.  It was always nice to have him around for the holidays, sleeping in, eating good food, and opening presents.  Uhhhhh it's going to be hard.  Donna and I had a late dinner and then came home.  All of this reminds me of another favorite song of mine....Rolling in the Deep by Adele.  ***Special note to Thomas-I know that you don't like Adele but I just love her...but I love you more :*

Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving tomorrow...watch for another blog post later tomorrow, like after 6 because I work all day!

I wish I was a little girl again!

Today I woke up for work, feeling a little bit better than yesterday.  Work was sooooo busy today, all of our Thanksgiving check in's were starting to come in today.  Before I knew it, I looked at the clock and it was already noon.  I got off work at 3pm, came home to pick Jordan up, went to Walgreen's to pick up a few things.  We got home and I totally forgot that I needed to get cat litter.  So Jordan and I had to run to Walmart to get cat litter.  We picked up cat litter and Jordan says, "Sissy, I wonder how much lead is here?"  Jordan and her class is obsessed with mechanical pencils and the lead that fills them.  When I was her age the gelly rolls or gel pens (in all the different colors) were popular and we all had to have them.  I guess the new in thing is mechanical pencils and lead.  So we looked at the mechanical pencils and lead....I guess I am a sucker for Jordan because I bought her 4 new pencils, lead, and erasers!  She was sooooo excited!  She talked about it the whole way home.  She was like oh I got a pink one and now I have so much lead, and this one will stay home, and these ones will come to school with me......So we got home and she put all of it in a baggie and took out the ones that she wanted to keep at home. 

I wish I could be a little girl again!  Things were so much easier when I was her age....didn't have so much on my mind, and little things like pens/pencils/lead could make me the happiest girl in the world.  Growing up kind of sucks!  I know when Momma Donna gets home she's going to ask how much I spent on the stuff for Jordan, then say I shouldn't have or that I didn't need to buy her those things, and then she'll say well here's the cash for them.  Then I'll say, no it wasn't that much, they're just pencils, I'm a sucker for Jordan, I can rarely tell her No, I just love her so much and if something so small can make her so happy, I am all for it.  I just love that little girl so much!

Heaven got a new Angel today

Early this morning Megan (Donna's friend Suzi's daughter) passed away.  She has been battling cancer for 7 years now, and her battle/journey is finally over.  She can rest in peace now and not be in pain.  Loss is always hard to deal with because it hits close to the heart.  I didn't know Megan for very long but what I did know of her she was very special.  She was strong and fought until the very end.  My heart goes out to her mom, sister, and brother during this difficult time.  I don't know how I would be feeling if I were in any of their shoes.  I am very close to Donna and I can't even imagine having to leave her one day or vice versa.  Times like this make you want to hug your family members a little tighter.  I didn't find out until about 11:30am that she had passed, Papa had told me when I woke up.  I was having trouble sleeping last night, didn't know why but I think I do now.  Donna and I have always had this weird connection where I can feel how she feels and she can feel how I feel.  Sorry about that Momma Donna, lately I've had a lot of difficult emotions to deal with and you've been feeling them too!  I layed in bed with her this morning just hugging her, holding her, and listening to her talk and cry....just like she always does for me.  From all of this I've learned that you need to live every minute like it was your last.  Follow your heart, and your gut.  Never give up on something/someone you believe in.  Don't just settle for good, not great.  Don't just settle for being content and not completely and utterly happiness!  Stop trying to figure out why some things happen and just go with it.  You never know when it will be your last moment with that person so say what you want to say with no regrets, you might not get another chance.  So to show you what I mean.....
To some of the people that I am the closest or whom I love the most...if your not on the list doesn't mean I don't love you or don't care about you its just these people sit closest to my heart....
To my sister Malissa, we've had our ups and downs and most of the time you drive me insane but I love you with all my heart and just want to see you grow up and make something of yourself.
To my little sis Jordan, you're not my sister by blood, but you are my sister by my heart.  I love you so much, I enjoy our Krysta and Jo time...thank you for all the little things you do for me, that you might not even know that you do.
To my auntie anna, you've been there for me since I was born, I know lately we don't talk as much but it's not you it's me.  I just want you to take this time after your divorce and be truly happy.
To my auntie mary, hmmm what can I say to you? Well my wish for you is to have a child one day...and if that never happens for you, know that I am always willing to be your "daughter".  I am extremely lucky to have you in my life, and for all the help you give me everyday!
To my mom, we've had ups and downs, ahhh mostly downs but we are slowly rekindling our relationship.  I hope that it keeps going and getting better day by day. 
To papa, wow well this may sound corny but he is my hero.  I met him 21 years ago....a long time!  He has been the father I always wanted.  I am proud to call him my papa.  He works so hard to make sure that his family and his girls have everything they want and deserve.  He always said he is happiest when "his nest is full".  Not just any man can step up and be a father to someone else's daughter and stick around for her whole life.  Thank you for everything you have taught me, and keep teaching me.  I love you!
To Momma Donna, you are the best person I know!  I say all the time I don't know what I'd do without you, because seriously I'd probably die!  I love that we are so close.  I love that you know when something is wrong with me even if I'm not in front of you.  I love that you stepped up to be a mom to me when I really needed one, especially because I have no blood relation to papa.  You are a wonderful mother, don't ever let anyone tell you differently.  I believe we were meant to meet, we were destined, soul mates!  You feel what I feel, and I feel what you feel.  I love you so much sometimes it hurts/aches inside me.  I love you so much I don't think words can describe how much you mean to me.  You've stood by me through thick and thin, you've made me laugh, you've made me cry, you've shared your wisdom and knowledge with me, you've held me on the cement driveway when I collapsed in tears, you've cuddled with me, you've played with my hair, and given me back/neck rubs when I've had the worst migraines.  The one thing that I love the most is that you've taught me and stood by me saying that I should follow my gut and my heart, and that they'll tell me when it's time to give up.  You said to me this morning, "I just want you to be normal again, I just want you to be happy!"....well momma donna, so do I! I want to feel normal again and happy...I just don't know how to get there. 

This leads me into the very last person on my list...not sure if he reads this blog of mine or not, if he does, he does, if he doesn't, he doesn't....this isn't necessarily meant for him, this is for me....to get my feelings out and make sure everyone else knows how I feel if I don't ever have the chance to tell you....
To Chad, I've known you for 7 years now...we met when we were 16 in drivers ed.....You were the most annoying, irritating, hott guy I knew.  Over the last 7 years you've done some HORRIBLE things, things that if you had done them to any other girl they would have given up on you years ago.  Yet here I still am 7 years later, after all the cheating, lying, jail and drama still head over heels in love with you.  I don't understand it myself but I guess when you love someone it goes unconditionally.  I've never stopped believing in you, never stopped having faith in you.  I knew/know that you would be a better person someday....you're on your way, just not with me.  That's the hardest part, I lost one of my very best friends.  I had a dream about your mom the other night, she was crying about John and I told her that she's lucky because at least she doesn't have to see/hear about him with someone else...sometimes it would be easier for me if you were just dead.  Of course I don't really want that, what I want is us to be together, like we used to be.  If I can get over all the bad and still believe in you, believe in us than you should be able to do that as well.  You need to learn how to not always take the easy way out....you always told me that you didn't just want to be content, that you wanted to be happy and not just settle, please follow your own words.  You said it was always comfortable, well yea of course it's going to be comfortable, thats what a relationship is about....you're supposed to end up with your best friend...for me thats you.  You asked if we could still be friends, but as much as I want to, I can't.  I want you to come to me for once, I can't just be your friend.  Everything that's been going on lately I dream about getting lost in one of your hugs and knowing that everythings going to be ok, that I'm going to be ok.....maybe one day that dream will come true again.  I hope/wish/pray every night that you'll come back to me one day.  I love you, love Blondie.

RIP Megan, thanks for all the inspiration.....maybe you can be an angel from above and help my hopes/dreams/wishes to come true ;)  Also, keep a close eye on your mom, she still needs you!

Cuddling, Shopping, and some Cheering up.......

So you'd think on my Saturday off that I would/could sleep in but NO, I was up before 8am and couldn't go back to sleep, just kind of laying there.  As I'm laying there Momma Donna texts me and says, "Are you awake?", and I say, "Yes".  I go upstairs then because when I usually text her that I go up and lay in bed with her.  So I get up there and all the dogs are on the bed, then comes my lil mister Ollie.  He follows me everywhere, I go downstairs, he goes, I go upstairs, he goes...get the drift? So I layed in bed and cuddled with Momma Donna.  I know, I know, I'm 23 and I'm cuddling with my "mom".  But you know what? I really don't care what anyone else thinks because 1) I love her bed, it's sooooo comfy and 2) I just love cuddling with her, she plays with my hair and we talk.  We talked about lots of stuff, and I cried (what's new though, right?)...seems like I've been doing that a lot lately.  I don't know what's wrong with me....okay, maybe I do know what's wrong with me, but I hate feeling this way! Wish I could just push a button and just feel normal, happy, content, motivated, decisive, and like I'm actually going somewhere in life.  I sure as hell don't feel any of that right now.  After cuddling for awhile, my auntie Mary had texted me asking me what I was doing for the day, and I told her nothing really.  What I really wanted to do, is crawl into bed and not wake up for a few months, maybe even years, then maybe everything would be right again.  She asked me to hang out with her and my uncle today so I got in the shower and got ready.  They picked me up and went to lunch at this little sandwich place in West Allis.  It was pretty good!  We then went to the grocery store and went back to her house.  My uncle just got back from a business trip, he was gone 2 weeks.  He just got back from Japan yesterday.  He brought me back these ramen noodle chocolate covered things.  So I tried one and it was sweet tasting at first but then the after taste hit you and I wanted to gag/vomit.  My uncle asked if I liked it....at first I was going to be nice and tell a little white lie, however they were so bad that I don't think I could not make a face and lie.  So I told him it was NASTY!  I asked him if he actually tried them, and he said no! I said ok well since I tried it, you have to too.  Him and my aunt tried one and they both made the same face I had. Teehee!  My aunt and I went to Pier One to look for some stuff to finish decorating her newly painted room.  We then went to the mall, I wanted to look at winter coats but didn't find one that I absolutely loved.  We got mini little massages from the asian people that do the 20 minute massages, which felt nice and relaxing.  We went to Barnes and Noble (because books always cheer me up!).  Auntie Mary bought me 4 books and then we got coffee and pumpkin cheesecake from Starbucks, sure was yummy!  She dropped me off at home and I finished another book called "Clean".  I started another book called "Chain Reaction", its a sequel to some other books I read.  Oh and I took a little cat nap as well.  Then just a little bit ago I ordered sushi for me, and peppersteak for papa and momma donna.  Jordan was cleaning out some cubards and found these draw liner things that was rolled up like a newspaper and all of a sudden Ollie (my cat) comes running in the living room with the roll of stuff in his mouth, like a dog! The thing was like as big as him.  I swear he should have been a dog, glad he's not really a dog though because I'm much more of a car person.  On my way to get sushi I heard one of my favorite songs right now by Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood, "Remind Me".....love, love, love that song!  It's now stuck in my head.  For those of you that don't know the song, here's the video for it below.

They are just so awesome together for this song.  The song brings back memories.....as it says, "But I don't want to settle for good not great I miss the way that it felt back then I wanna feel that way again,  Been so long that you'd forget the way I used to kiss your neck,  Remind me, remind me,  So on fire so in love. Way back when we couldn't get enough,  Remind me, remind me..."  Favorite part of the song right there.  I definitely want to feel that way again!

Longest Day Ever....or so it seemed!

So I didn't get to bed until after 4am, because I was still so amped up from the Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1.  I wrote a blog, and read before actually trying to fall asleep.  I woke up at 11:30am but still felt like I could sleep a whole lot longer.  I got ready for work, talked with Momma Donna for a bit because since last night (and for awhile now, but specifically since last night) I have been feeling anxious and nervous-ish (butterflies in my tummy).  I stopped for a pumpkin spice frappicino and headed to work.  Work was crazy today....I had to give 2 cats a bath and one of them clawed the hell outta my neck, and it hurts and stings so bad!  I left work late, I was supposed to meet my aunts and grandparents for a fish fry but there was no way I was going to make it by 6:30pm.  Besides going to be late, everything that has been on my mind broke through and I had a little meltdown on the drive home.  I decided to not go to dinner because I didn't want them all to have to wait for me, and because of my little breakdown.  When I got home, Jordan was so sweet and gave me a hug and so did Momma Donna (she gives the best hugs ever!) Momma Donna had made enchilada's for dinner and they were yummy.  I told Momma Donna all about my day, it felt good to vent.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again....I don't know what I'd do without Momma Donna!

It's been too long!

Haven't written a blog in a LONG time!  Sorry about that...if any of you care!  So let's see I've been mostly busy helping my aunt paint her family room and dining room the last 2 weeks.  I dog sat for her on Friday night because she was going to Chicago to meet my uncle that was just there for the night, the next morning he was off to Japan.  Saturday I went shopping and got some new books.  Sunday I did laundry, went grocery shopping, and made a huge lasagna with Momma Donna (sounds boring but it was a long, fun day).   Tuesday I had dinner with my mom, and last night was the last night of painting at my aunts house because we finished! YAY!  We got the new furniture placed just right and had all the painting done!  We did a damn good job! 

SEE! It looks beautiful!

Tonight was the BEST night ever! My sister Malissa, her bff Kayla, Emily (Sue's daughter), Momma Donna, and I all went to the midnight premiere of Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1....OMG it was awesome! I loved it! However, I am not happy about having to wait a whole other year to see the part 2 :( 

Ok besides all that, most of you may know that I'm big on quotes and stories that mean something to my heart...over the last week I found two things that struck me and wanted to share them with you all.  One of them I took from my friend Erika's facebook status and that is "Always tell the ones you love that you love them, always give love a second chance because you never want to be left thinking what if ♥"  I'm trying to do this but it's easier said then done....where do you even begin?  How can I do this when I can't even find myself? How can I do this when I don't even know what I want? How can I do this when I'm not happy? How can I do this when I'm not happy with myself right now?  How can I do this when I'm not happy with a career right now? How can I do this when I am not happy with money right now? How can I do this when I am not happy with family relationships right now?  How can I do this not being happy with schooling right now? How can I do anything?  How can I love again? How can I heal? I feel like it's never going to happen....I'm never going to feel happy, unless___________.  If anyone can answer these questions and fill in that blank for me, without being sarcastic, mean, and hurtful I'll gladly hear the answers. 

The other thing I read was on someone facebook that I had copied and saved but don't remember who's it was, anyhow here it is......

Boy:I broke up with her.
 His Best Friend:What happened?

Boy:She’s just too much for me.
 His Best Friend:What makes you say that? What did she do wrong?
 ...
 Boy: Well, for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good,
 always took forever to get dressed! So insecure..
 His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes
 locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl
 under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see..

Boy:Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy!
 His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see..

Boy:But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby!
 His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see..

Boy:I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her.
 His Best Friend:So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I
 see..

Boy:Well, she..
 His Best Friend:You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?

Boy:I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me?
 His Best Friend:

You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could.You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you.

 THAT’S
 WHAT HAPPENED...

I just love that, especially the part in red! Well it's 3am, suppose I should get to bed....ah who am I kidding? I can't sleep just yet, so of course I'll read.  Good Night </3





Rumchatta, Bingo, Painting, Reconnecting, and Crying

Haven't written on my blog in a little while so this one might be a little long.  Thursday I worked all day from 8-6pm, then met my mom and grandpa for dinner at Boulder Junction.  I tried this drink called a Rumchatta Black Russian....OMFG it was soooo yummy, but one knocked me on my butt!  Friday I worked 8-11:30 because I had to take momma donna to the doctor to get ger MRI and MRA....everything went well there.  We ran some errands (The Scrapbook Store, bank, bring food to Suzi) and when dropping off food for Suzi (Suzi is Momma Donna's friend who's daughter has terminal cancer) we stayed and talked.  Suzi is a wonderful person, she is very strong and I have no idea how she's doing so well through all of this with her daughter.  She has this prescence about her that makes me calm and like everything will be okay.  I don't know her well but I feel like I do.  She also gives great hugs (which is weird because I don't hug most people, just a select few).  After Suzi's house we picked up Malissa (my sissy) and went to Bingo at the casino!  My sissy just turned 18 so this was her first time at the casino.  It was Auntie Anna, Momma Donna, Malissa, and me!  None of us won anything but we had a great time.  However, I could have done without the lady next to me that kept dropping her ass and smelling up the table :( 

Saturday I worked until 1 and then came home, took a shower, ate some sushi, and just relaxed the whole night (I had a headache and felt like I was getting a cold).  Sunday I woke up and took a shower and went to my aunt Mary's house.  Sunday was the day that my auntie Mary and mom were going to meet and try to reconcile, because they haven't talked in years.  The three of us had lunch at Panera and came back to my aunts house to talk.  They talked and it went really well!  My uncle is away for 2 weeks so a few weeks ago my aunt and I went to pick out furniture for their family room because it has been empty since they've lived there (like since 1998).  The furniture was being delivered Sunday and we were also starting to paint as well.  We had a good time painting, and had some good conversation.

  Later on that night we had a huge fight at my house with Papa.  It all started with Papa and Malissa, and just escalated from there.  By the end of the night we had all cried or were crying.  We didn't stop our little discussion until after 11pm....by then I was tired and emotionally drained!  I forgot to mention that before the fight/discussion that momma donna and I took food to Suzi again and we sat and talked with her for a little bit.  I won't say what we talked about because it hits close to my heart and has been something that I've been struggling with for awhile, however Suzi said something that made me feel a little better and brought back some hope for me.  So thank you Suzi, I really appreciate you and your wonderful hugs.  Between Suzi and Momma Donna, I feel really loved and cared about.  Thank you! You two are wonderful and amazing women!

I don't want to settle for good, not great...

Kinda slow at work today, but I slept really good last night :)  For those of you who know me well, know that I love my country music....and I just love The Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley song, "Remind Me".  I totally agree with the line that says, "I don't want to settle for good not great I miss the way that it felt back then I wanna feel that way again..."  I've realized that, that's what I want.  Done lots of thinking the last few days, and had many talks with a fabulous, wonderful woman Momma Donna.  She gives me the confidence, courage, and strength to keep my hopes and dreams alive.  She makes me feel pretty and wonderful :) Love you Momma Donna!

 Me & Momma Donna in the Dells a few years ago (when I was skinny)

 Me & Momma Donna last February at the Scrabook Stores Breast Cancer Crop

 Me & Momma Donna at the airport going or coming from FA don't remember which, but it was years ago!

 Tim McGraw Concert 2010-Me & Momma Donna

Tim McGraw Concert 2010-Me & Momma Donna
What would I do without this wonderful person? I really don't know! Probably go crazy!

Decisions, Decisions.........

So the last few nights I haven't been able to sleep, and I woke up for work this morning soooooo tired!  The worst part is having to go start my truck to warm it up :( Means winter is coming!  So I shuffled outside in my pj's and slippers, hair all a mess (bet I looked attractive, haha NOT) and started my truck.  I hurried back in, got dressed, did my hair and left for work.  Got to work, totally forgot that Richard wasn't in, walked all of 3 dogs...but only spot cleaned.  All of this seems very boring however on my ride to work and walking those 3 dogs I made an important decision.  The guy I've been seeing is no more....yep, I did it! I told him that it just wasn't working, that my heart wasn't 100 percent in it and that that wasn't fair to him and that I needed some time for me.  I feel much, much better now! I tried so hard to like him a lot and make things work so that I can be the "dating, fun" girl but it just wasn't working.  Oh well...one day it will happen for me! One day I will be happy!  Until then, I have me to focus on....and the best boy to keep me great company! Care to see who that boy is? Hehe, look below ;)