Lazy Sunday

Today I woke up pretty late, then my sister and I went to the gym.  We kicked some butt there.  We used all these different machines for our legs, chest, and abs!  Then we did about 45 min of cardio (me on the treadmill, her on the bike)...felt really good to work out.  My cruise is in 19 days!  I'm getting soooo excited!  I'm already wanting to get my suitcase out and start packing/planning outfits and what not.  I've had a lot on my mind today.....various things.  My sister Malissa is having a couple hard days and I hate seeing her like that (even though lots of times she irritates the crap outta me, but I still love her!).  I don't like it one bit, and I can totally relate to how she's feeling.  I wish I could take it all out of her head and add it to mine so that she didn't have to suffer.  I've been thinking about my weight as well, and it's not happening fast like I'd like it to, but I am making he effort to work out at the gym.  Times like this make me think about my ex Chad a lot.  I know if we were together he'd be the first one to come to the gym with me and work out with me and push me to do more.  Anna and Malissa go with me and they push me to do it, but not like Chad would, I just know it.  Yesterday I said that I woke up feeling odd or off, I still don't know why, but usually when I'm feeling like that something is wrong with Donna.  We have this thing/connection that we just know when somethings wrong with either one of us or if we need each other.  The only other person I've ever had that with besides her was Chad.  Since Donna was OK yesterday, and I felt okay in general, I'm assuming something was going on with Chad.  I just hope he's OK.  I don't remember if I blogged about meeting with him a few weeks ago or not, but I did.  Seeing him is like a love/hate kind of thing.  Uhhh I wanna stare at him and do other things I'm not going to mention with him and the other hand I'm like you're a crazy asshole!  Basically he told me that we don't have a future together, that he loved me, but wasn't in love with me, and that it would never be the same.  News flash, nothing ever is the same, after awhile the honeymoon is over...especially after 7 yrs! You get comfortable (which is good) but then you just have to take the extra steps and work to spice and liven things up.  Even after he said all that (it hurt really bad, and I pretty much cried all day) I still believe in him and us. Maybe I'm wrong and I'm being stupid or maybe my gut and instincts are right and he's just a chicken shit.  I can see how he could be scared, with his past and life in general, but sometimes you just gotta kick that wall down and go for it. I read this book Heaven is for Real for my book club and it was really eye opening for me because as of late I was a non believer.  But I believe now, however I don't think he pays much attention to me....I pray every night that things will be different, that my hopes, dreams, and wishes will come true.  Maybe if I keep asking/praying they will.  All I know is that I love him more than I've ever loved anything or anyone in my entire life and that's not something that should be ignored.  I also need to get my nails done and a pedicure before my cruise but I don't want to do it too soon and they get all icky before it.  They are chipping and look ugly right now, so hopefully they'll make it another couple weeks.  I'm also finally working out with my meds....starting to get some headache relief, not so depressed (though I do give myself whiplash with all my ups and downs at times), and I'm finally sleeping for longer periods at night before waking up.  Tomorrow is a big day!  I finally convinced Papa and Donna to do a dental on Bailey!  So he's coming to work with me tomorrow and having his teeth cleaned/pulled and also a small mass on his eye removed.  I am sooooooo excited for him...no more stinky breath for him!  Helped with dinner tonight, ravs, Sicilian steak and salad, yummy!  Now time to read some and relax. Hopefully reading keeps my mind off other things, like wondering why I felt so off yesterday, and worrying that something bad happened to Chad or something.