Apparently God is short on angels

2012 has to be one of the worst years ever!  It needs to end fast without anything else bad happening to my family.  February of 2011, Grandma (Donna's mother) had a brain aneurysm.  She was touch and go for so long.  I didn't know her very well up until being at the hospital everyday.  Even though she was struggling with her health, I got to see the woman that she really was.  She was just a great woman, asked me how I was, about school, work, my new car, and boys.  She had an opinion for every topic and then some.  She mad it through that year, she fought damn hard, and she made.  In April of this year (2012) she took a turn for the worse.  The night before she passed away, Donna and I had the privilege to talk with her and listen to her, for the last time.  We didn't know that by morning she would be significantly worse.  That day she passed away with all of her family surrounding her, showing their love and prayers.  She wouldn't have wanted it any other way.  Then about a month or so later, I am driving back from a friends to my aunts house.  I smelt a funny smell on the freeway but kept going to get to my aunts house for dinner.  On my way there, I got the call that my house was on fire.  I was told that the dogs got out of the house but was on oxygen.  One of the cats (my parents) came out on oxygen as well.  The dogs all made it but neither of my cats made it, as well as the other one.  Our house was totalled, and we've lost a considerable amount of belongings. We have been staying in a hotel since May 31st.  It gets a little cramped with the 5 of us and the 3 dogs.  We've already taken care of most furnishings in our house, and we are planning to move in Friday the 31st.  In between all that, Donna and Missy went to Ohio to be with her dad because he was having a serious surgery.  Wednesday morning I woke up with a very uneasy feeling, but not sure why.  Grandpa (Donna's Dad) didn't make it through the surgery, they did CPR, and brought him back. They said it would be a little bit to see what all was going on with his body.  I regret to say it, but he passed away last night.  I wasn't very close to him either, but every time he came to visit he was amazing.  He always asked how my days were and how work was.  He accepted me as a grand daughter without even blinking an eye, when others have not.  He was a very funny and outgoing man and I will miss that as well.  I feel like I lost so much this year...grandma, grandpa, house, belongings, and my cats.  It's not supposed to happen like this! It is not fair that Donna has to go through all of this in one whole year, actually in a span of 4 months!  I don't know how she stays so strong through all of this.  She's got to be all sorts of mess inside.  I wish I could take on that pain so that she doesn't have to feel it.  I feel like my whole world is upside down and I don't know when it's going to sit right side up again.  It's all just too much.  I am still in shock I guess, I feel like I've accepted that all of those things are gone, but I keep thinking, are they really gone? I'm not going to hear grandma sing, dance, and sit and talk with me about just everything.  I'm not going to see grandpa sitting out on the patio in the mornings having a cigarette and telling me to have a nice day at work.  I'm also not going to get to hear him ask how work was when I got home.  I am not going to get to see my cats jumping on the bed and cuddling with me.  I'm not going to hear Ollie tearing up my room to wake me to feed him.  I'm never going to hear him meow again. I'm never going to get to say Ollie, Ollie, Oxen....there's my boy and bend down and kiss his whole face.  I don't get to see little prissy Libby Lue walking around with her bell jingling.  I put her collar on my key chain, so that I have some what of her with me.  I want to look into necklaces that you can add some of their ashes to the necklace and wear them.  I just can't believe that they all are just gone, completely GONE! The world is spinning like an amusement park ride and I can't get off.  What did my family and I do to deserve all of this? Yes I know that my family is safe and that's most important, but why my cats? why 2 things that meant so much to me, that kept me grounded and somewhat happy through the past year.  And grandma and grandpa? They really had to go too? The only things I can think of is that we are some how bad people or that "GOD" (if there is one) needed more angels.  I know this sounds selfish but take other people's people for angels.  I have trouble believing in God at this time. I question it too much, and through all of this I don't see too many things go right.  When can we catch a break? If we catch a break it better be soon and it better be huge! We deserve it! I'm also still waiting for Ollie to come back to me.  Sage (the pet communicator) is having a special with her sessions so I will be buying one so that I can speak with her again and see how far Ollie is to making his way to me.  Also, if Libby has moved on and not stuck.  I'm sure most don't believe in it, but I do....it gives me hope, something that has kept me going.