Slept in again today, boy do I love the weekends...waking up to my two kitties purring and snuggling makes me a happy girl. Did the dishes, took a shower, did my hair and make up so that I was partially ready for the funeral. Laid down to read my new Cosmo and then Papa decides he wants to chat about my blog post from last night. Well, he did most of the talking and I did most of the listening/crying. We talked about lots of stuff and I think he has a somewhat better understanding about what's going on with me. Some of the main points or high lights of the talk (and that I agree with) is that I don't need a boyfriend or a husband to define me, sure don't! So if any of you were under the impression that I need Chad, sure don't! Would it be nice to have him to share things with and talk to him about important stuff, sure would! Another fact is that what happened with my parents was in the past, can't go back and change it...just have to accept it. However, I still think that I need to talk about my anger with them, well mostly my father....my mom and I have talked about a lot already. The main thing was that no matter what I am Papa's daughter, maybe not by blood but I am still his daughter. He's loved me since I was 2, and me as well :) I don't know where I'd be if he hadn't come into my life....big thanks to my mom for that! She definitely did one thing right all those years ago! After all that we all went to Uncle Vince's funeral...it was a typical funeral....sad. My grandma hurt my feelings though....she is Papa's mom and I've always looked at her as my grandma, I've known her just as long as Papa....if he's my dad then she's my grandma. I overheard her talking to some people at the funeral and she said oh you have to meet/see my two grandchildren, Malissa and Jordan. Ouch that was a jab to the heart...made me cry at the funeral. It was just kind of like wow, really? During the prayer service I realized that when I die, I definitely don't want a funeral like that. I don't want all the catholic bs with the scripted lines and prayers. I don't want all that talk of being a child of God, and that I'll have my place in heaven and yada yada. I want something more like Megan's "funeral". It was a celebration of her life, nothing scripted, just down to earth. I want friends and family to talk and reminice. I want people to be comfortable. And I guess I never really thought about it, but I have now...I would want to be cremated...none of that horrible make up making me look not like me. None of that people standing there staring at me and getting more and more upset. You know what I mean? I don't anticipate dying anytime soon, but 2 funerals in one week kind of made me think about it, especially because Megan was only 21! Afterwards, Papa, Donna, Malissa, Jordan, and I all went out to dinner...and then came back and waxed our hands in this hot wax that makes your hands nice and soft. Now, Papa's torturing us by making us watch the packer game that he dvr'd even though we already know they won. It's exciting that they are 12-0 but do we really have to watch it if we already know they won? I have a feeling things are going to get better, slowly but surely. A Sugarland song says it all.....sometimes you have to lose until you win.
</3 Krysta
No comments:
Post a Comment