It's been a rough few days....had dinner with my mom on Tuesday and she told me all about this little dinner meeting with 2 of my aunts. Apparently, they were concerned about my meds, my weight, and me being bitter, angry, and selfish. That all of them agreed on this, that I have been a different person. My mom even told me that when she saw me after I got back from my cruise that she cried because of my weight. Is that something you should be saying to your daughter when she already knows, and has many other issues to contend with. Sorry that I was depressed and gained some weight, that's not the worst thing, I could have turned to other outlets but I didn't. That really hurt my feelings, makes me think that my mom can't accept me for who I am....fat, skinny, ugly, short, tall...etc. As a mother it's your duty to love unconditionally. It was very adamantly put that this dinner was only because they love me and were concerned about me. Well, if someone has a concern about me then you should come to me about it, instead of going behind my back and discussing it with others. The funny thing is, they met weeks ago, and have seen each of them multiple times and not one of them said a word about it, so all those times/days I spent with you, were those fake? I have every right to feel upset, angry, and hurt. Another issue, as always, is Donna. I'm not trying to sound like a bitch, but I have done what everyone else in my life wanted or expected me to do for so long.....now it's my time to be happy, and to do things for me. One thing that makes me very happy is my relationship with Donna, nothing is going to change that....and if you try to change that or go against the grain, you'll only push me away further. I have many relationships with women in my life. None of which are the same. I think it's pretty selfish of someone to ask me to change my relationship with Donna. Back in February was my moms birthday, and I recall saying something about how this birthday of hers was significant for me because I actually put effort into it, and felt like we were in a really good place. I thought she was trying really hard at our relationship, and that she was understanding of Donna and my relationship, which made me very happy. Today I can tell you that I don't feel that way after all of this. She feels like Donna puts a wedge between her and my relationship....regardless of Donna, it would still be the same. My mom and I are very different people...we have different likes, dislikes, and ways of living. We're very different people. My sister Malissa is more like my mom....and that's OK with me. I can accept that they have a stronger relationship and bond than I do with her....why can't she accept mine with Donna? I am not trying to be selfish, just trying to be understood and accepted.
On another note, after some rough stuff last night my bff Chad came over to watch a movie with me, and that made me very happy. He's a wonderful cuddler, and being around him shows me that glimpse of happiness that is ahead for me, well I hope. Thought about it all day today, couldn't get it off my mind, even if I tried. :)
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